Wednesday, May 19, 2010


What is the worth of a promise? What is the value of dependable honesty?

These are the questions that are going through me mind today. Now, I am not one of those people that thinks that everybody lies, though I am sure most people do. Not big lies, or important ones. For many, the extent of a falsehood is to answer the age old query, "How are you," with a simple fine even if the day is not going so well. I also wouldn't make a fuss about white lies told to disguise the arrangement of a suprise party. From there, you have those that don't want to tell a person that they don't want to go out with them, or occasionally play hookie from school or work to spend time with loved ones. I don't neccesarily agree with those, but I can understand the appeal.

Then there are vows, oaths, and other promises of great importance. Not all of them come attached to those words specifically, but they are, or should be, just as binding. Things such as commiting to being there for a child, swearing yourself to royalty, and matrimony. These are the kinds of things that you don't simply abandon. These are major promises that go beyond any normal oath. And I am not saying that they haveto be permanent. If two people fall out of love, there is no reason they should have to stay married, but I do believe that because of there promise, they should give it all they have. A little discomfort or disagreement is no reason to abandon those you have made such a promise to, unless all are in agreement that it is for the best. And to break such a promise without the consent of the person to whom the vow was made is one of the most cruel things a person can do. Doing so without their knowledge ranks right up there, too.

With a king or queen, the term for such a lowly act was called treason, and almost certainly carried the punishment of death. In marriage, it is one of the greatest betrayals of trust, and almost certainly a precursor to divorce. The worst offense is the abandonment of one's child. No other betrayal  can more completely damage the well-being of a person for as long.

This minor and uncheerful monologue comes because I have recently discovered that someone I know and care about has committed such an act, and against someone else that means a great deal to me. I lament for the break in good character of one good friend, and the loss of faith and love of another. And I hope that they, and anyone else that might read these words, takes the time such promises deserve to see if the intent they had when making them still exists before acting. Furthermore, if they truly find that there is no longer a valid reason to continue, to give fair notice to the other party, and refrain from further action until the vow is released or there is absolutly no chance of freedom.


Crystal said...

That was a lovely and heartfelt post my love. I am ever so blessed to have you.

Sandy said...

I felt the warmth you feel for all those that share a very much valued space in your heart (your wife is truly a lucky woman). I can only hope the one that has betrayed the trust realizes what has been done and that those actions have grave reactions, that not just touch the intended party but that of all those around, all those whom also have spaces in each other’s hearts.

Shannan said...

Roger, very well said. I agree with you whole heartedly. I know some people no longer believe in the sanctity of marriage or the responsibility and priveldge that come with parenthood. If those are someone's beliefs, I say fine. But if you are rebel enough not to be "constricted" or "confined" to the vows of marriage and parenthood, then you should be rebel enough to not care how society views you. Certain people get married or have kids because they want to conform and be society, loved ones, etc. has conditioned us to believe that if you choose not to do so, you are abnormal. However, they are so selfish that they don't actually believe in the commitment of marriage and parenthood. If one's only concern is their own happiness and the fear of what other's think about them, their attempts at marriage and parenthood will surely fail. Both entities are about being able to consider another person as important as yourself. Some people simply aren't capable of that. If that is the trued case, the truly unselfish gesture would be to know it and never enter into either institution in the first place. However, if you have taken a spouse, have enough respect for that person to seek counseling or divorce them so that they may find someone that shares their ideas about commitment. And if you have a child, it is your duty and responsibility to be a part of that child's life. Make yourself the kind of person that would be a benefit to a child's life. A child is not a pair of shoes that you try on, get home, then decide you don't like or doesn't really go with your outfit. They are not disposable. People today need to learn responsibility and be held accountable for their actions. I wish your friend luck. As you know, I am all too familiar with this situation. It is not one I envy, but know that they can overcome:)